Have you hugged your King Cobra today?
Mack Hall
A LI KHAN SAMSUDIN of Indonesia kissed a king cobra, and the king cobra didn't like

being kissed by Mr. Samsudin,

and so bit him, and so Mr. Samsudin died. Crikey.

Mr. Samsudin leaves behind five children, two wives, and one really annoyed king cobra.

One can imagine the youngest son crying for the cameras at the funeral service: "My daddy was my hero, and his DVDs are on sale on The Varmint Channel and at gas stations everywhere. We accept all major credit cards. It's for the animals. And the planet." Let us all weep crocodile tears.

Perhaps Ali Khan Samsudin's videos will be like that other fellow's: "Wow! I'm holding this deadly snake by the tail, and is he ever angry!"

Mr. Samsudin was not only a friend to the working snake but to scorpions: in 1997 he was mentioned in the Guinness Book of Dumb Stuff for Drunks to Talk About for living some days in a glass box with a lot of scorpions, which must be like working for a presidential candidate.

The Snake King (for so he was billed) can now join Crocodile Hunter in that terrarium in the sky, clear at long last on the fact that animals are not Disney cartoons. One of the sons, Amjad Khan, who also handles snakes for a living (and eventually for a deading), really did say, "It's our way of life and we can't imagine doing anything else."

Mr. Khan suffers a stunning lack of imagination.

Lately there appears to be an unnatural and obviously unhealthy fascination with reptiles: tormenting - I mean, saving and nurturing - crocodiles made Steven Erwin a legend, and more recently a naked guy went swimming with the alligators in Florida, where one of the 'gators ate his leg (As Becket said to King Henry, "Is that all? Count your blessings, Sire.").

Alligators, once an endangered species, have been nurtured to the point that now they once again endanger humans, and bothering a timber rattlesnake is now a federal offense.

Those of us who live in rural districts cannot but observe that the sort of people who pass laws endangering humans for the sake of reptiles do not themselves live among reptiles. I suggest that if a timber rattler is pestered in any way the timber rattler should be transported to a Maryland gated community for its own safety. Indeed, we should find the alligator who ate the fellow's leg and ship it (the alligator, not the leg) to The Reflecting Pool in Washington so that it can entertain Congressional children, and perhaps eat a few of them.

After all, Congress doesn't value our East Texas children any more than that.

Mack Hall is a resident of Kirbyville.