Setting limits important to child's development
Cindy Lou VanDevender

Parents set rules and limits for their child's behavior to show they love and care for their child. Limits are like guard rails on a bridge. They provide protection and security for the child, as well as teach them to take responsibility for themselves.

Setting limits requires being positive, firm, consistent and having realistic expectations. When parents set limits they:

Teach children to avoid danger

Help children to attain socially acceptable behavior (to have regard for others as well as for themselves)

Show children they care for them Help children control themselves

Put a sense of organization into a child's world

Help them and their children know what to expect of each other

A few rules and limits that the child can understand are important to his security. While the two-year old can not be expected to stay away from the candy dish within reach, certain appropriate limits can be set, such as "only Daddy can give you candy," or "you may have grapes instead." As the parent takes the candy away from the child or the child away from the candy, briefly explain why this is not the best thing for the child, and distract him with the grapes, toy or activity.

Parents can deal with the toddler's natural defiance by making most decisions themselves. Begin to help them learn to make choices on food or clothing - "Do you want apple juice or grape juice?" (not "What do you want to drink?") or "Do you want to wear this red shirt or this blue shirt?"

When setting rules or imposing limits, parents should try not be become trapped in a battle of wills. They may win the battle at the expense of the child's curiosity, enthusiasm, and selfesteem, or they may lose to a determined child's tantrums and negativism. When this new independence comes to the toddler, parents inevitably worry about spoiling. An independent one-year-old is not spoiled, but probably does not understand the rules or limits. Parents should select and impose as few limits as possible. These limits should be reasonable in relation to the child's age and ability, stated positively and imposed firmly and consistently.

Insecurity about the tasks of parenting and parental guilt can cause parents to have low expectations of their child. Children need well-defined and consistent limits. They forget easily and therefore need many repetitions or answers from their parents. Parents may become unrealistically impatient and hesitant when they need to be firm. When rules are being established, the child's developmental level and his style need to be considered; the rules should be reasonable, protective, consistent and enforceable.

If you would like any more information please, contact Cindy VanDevender, County Extension Agent - Family and Consumer Sciences at the Jasper County Extension Office, 409-384-3721.