Guest Commentary
Great mysteries of the universe
Mack Hall

Does Osama Bin Ladin's office staff play Secret Pals?

Did The Beatles ever say to themselves "You know, we're just a mediocre garage band who ripped off the rockabilly and blues sounds. What's the big deal?"

Why is colon cancer never the subject of a Hallmark movie?

What human first decided to eat frog legs? Why?

If my telephone is really important to some company, why is a recording telling me that?

When you get one of those Bombay sales calls during supper, do you ever want to ask the caller if he's naked?

Don't you find the idea of snakeskin boots ironic? After all, snakes don't even have feet.

Folks at courthouses want more security. How about more security for the rest of us first?

And speaking of the rest of us, why don't we have the same health care deal as Congress?

If God really loves us, why did He inflict Princess Diana on an already-suffering world?

When Mel Gibson is ripped apart by torturers at the end of Braveheart, doesn't that just give you a warm, happy feeling?

Why do trucks have he-manly-sounding names like "Sierra" and "Avalanche" and "Scottsdale?" Why not give them authentic names, like "Cowboy Wannabe Who Lives in an Apartment," "Six Years of Notes Just to Drive This Thing to my Fast Food Job," and "Still Living With My Parents?"

So if the Electoral College is such a great institution, why don't we ever hear anything about their football team, huh?

Why are tornadoes always cutting swaths? What are swaths, and why do they need cutting?

Why do tornadoes snap trees like matchsticks? Shouldn't trees snap like, well, trees? Does anyone say "Wow, that matchstick snapped like a tree!"?

Did anyone remember to tip the waiter at The Last Supper?

Why do hosts introduce guest speakers with the self-cancelling phrase "a man who needs no introduction?"

Is there any city in Iraq that isn't a holy city?

If something goes without saying, why doesn't it go without saying?

Why do newsreaders on the telly caution us that a picture is graphic? All pictures are graphic.

Why would anyone push an envelope?

Unless you're actually in a box, don't you always think outside the box?

Did Stalin own a dog? Did he ever crawl on the floor and talk baby-talk to a beagle?

How do executioners become executioners? Is there a guest speaker on vocations day at school who sets up his power-point and asks "Hey, kids, would you like a great career with great pay, great hours, and a great sense of personal fulfilment?"

Did Ayatollah Khomeini take the girls out to lunch on secretaries' day?

Well, at the beginning of the day where shove goes to push the top line is that when the skinny lady sings that's what I'm saying you know?

Mack Hall is a resident of Kirbyville