Holidays can be difficult time to deal with family problems

The holidays aren't always filled with cheer; holiday stress can bring families who are already struggling with issues to the crises point. Family violence and abuse cuts across ethnic lines and income brackets, but help is available.

Family Services of Southeast Texas and state and local agencies want people know that they have resources to call on. In Jasper, the 24-hour hotline is 832-7575 or 800- 621-8882. In Jasper and Newton, the Piney Woods Safe House is 384- 1225 or the outreach program is 379-8488, and in Woodville and Tyler County the number is 283- 5887. Online, help is at www.familyservicessetx. org.

Desperate and not sure who to call? 911 dispatchers will see that your call reaches the proper agency in an emergency.

On the Family Services hotline, trained staff is available any time of day or night. All calls are confidential, "and because we know that men can be victims of domestic violence too" the hotline helps both male and female victims, according to a Family Services press release.

Help may include counseling, placing victims in safe houses in Jefferson and Jasper counties, working with parents on programs for their children, assistance with legal aid, therapy, and transitional housing. There are special programs for the elderly, and programs to help family violence offenders learn to break their abusive patterns of behavior.

"A victim does not have to stay at the safe house to receive therapy," according to Family Services.

Wanda Whitcomb, victim services educator for the Newton Outreach office, says, "Men's violence against their intimate female partner is the leading cause of injury for women."

Follow up statistics from Family Services inform women that if they are staying in a relationship "for the sake of the children," they should know that 70 percent of batterers eventually batter their children.

Recognizing the signs

Abuse can begin subtly and escalate so slowly that the victim's confidence is worn away before she recognizes the problem. She may believe it is her fault, or that if she seeks help that terrible things will follow.

These are the actions of abusive personalities: 7 They criticize what you do, wear, and who your friends are; they act jealous when you talk to others; they want to isolate you from other people. 7 They threaten suicide or harm to themselves or others if you leave. 7 They always need to know who you are with and where you are; they want to control how you spend money and if you work. 7 They become angry or violent easily and often blame you. The break things or intimidate you with weapons to make you fearful. 7 They undermine your plans or ideas and belittle your opinions so often that you no longer trust your judgment. 7 They emotionally, sexually or physically harm you, and then apologize afterward; they look or act in ways that scare you; they threaten to take your children away.

One man who sought help because he recognized his own abusive actions said, "Learning to be responsible for my own behavior and not blame others has changed my life. I can pass on healthy living skills to my kids."

Two programs

Whitcomb says two different programs are available to try to keep families together and break the cycle of abuse and violence.

The VIEP (Violence Intervention Education Program) helps abusers to understand where their behavior is coming from and to learn alternate ways to handle situations.

"When we see family violence, that's usually a control issue on a very personal level," according to Whitcomb.

Anger management classes, Whitcomb says, are more situational than personal, such as road rage, anger at work, or a person who goes out-of-control in a social setting, way out of proportion to the circumstances.

Whitcomb says that the District Judges Jerome Owens and Joe Bob Golden, district attorneys and the probation departments in the tricounty area have all signed memorandums of understanding to refer people to these programs as a term of probation.

The anger management program is generally a 26-week program that will be conducted in a central location. Whitcomb said The Tomb in Jasper has volunteered their facility for Saturday morning classes.

Whitcomb said they will also accept self-referrals from anyone who thinks they have a problem and would like to learn to deal with their anger in a more constructive manner.

"It would be great, it would be a very positive initiative, if someone would volunteer to take this class to help keep their family together," Whitcomb said.

A similar program that has been running in Jefferson County since 1989 has a 97 percent success rate in terms of reducing family violence, according to Whitcomb.