Guest Commentary One person's viewpoint
When all else fails, blame the welder
Mack Hall

The first smoke had barely risen from a famous no-tell in Las Vegas before someone said that the fire was probably caused by - surprise - a welder's spark.

Why is almost every fire attributed to a welder's spark? Why is the cause never an accountant's cigarette? Or someone's made-in- China electric heater octopussed into one outlet along with a computer, a television, and a hair dryer?

Welders, who practice applied metallurgy, must study for multiple certifications before they may perform their art and science with a catalogue of impedimenta, including gasses, glasses, rods, electrical gadgets, helmets, and safety lines, and are repeatedly tested by each employer or contractor. A welder is thus highly unlikely to be unaware that his endeavors involve the generation of great heat.

Surely no welder ever said "Gee, I don't want to make a mess; let me spread lots of old newspaper on the floor beneath this task," or perhaps "Hmmm, I'll bet this job would go faster if I propped these two pieces of metal across a couple of tanks of gasoline."

And yet, for all their knowledge and experience, welders are the first to receive scornful scowls of uniformed judgment and focused fingers of Clintonian accusation when an unplanned fire spoils someone's afternoon. One begins to infer that the phrase "welder's spark" is coded into some sort of speeddial system for news agencies.

Is there a fire in a hundredyear old building amateurishly re-wired by its owners based on internet directions? Must be a welder's spark.

Is a ship aflame off Alaska? Must be a welder's spark.

Does a sensitive senator suffer a headache? Must be a welder's spark.

High school athletes may be tested for illicit welders' sparks.

Angelina Jolie is pregnant by a welder's spark.

President Bill Clinton blames Senator Obama for playing the welders' sparks card.

Welders' sparks cause global warming.

James Dobson says welders' sparks are not a real religion.

Yep, you can bet your cigarette lighter, candles, leaky gas cans, and overloaded circuits on this - the first reporter on the scene of a fire will always blame it on a welder's spark.